Posted by: librivore | April 8, 2009

Tolerance Should Be America’s Middle Name

The end is beginning. And not a moment too soon.

Thank you, God, for giving me even more hope. 🙂

Let’s face it: if someone asked me what the greatest threat to the world was, I’d probably automatically say “Christians”, or at least religion in general. Don’t get me wrong, I see nothing wrong with organized, spiritual beliefs that a billion people. I don’t even think it’s wrong to follow those beliefs blindly–UNTIL you start trying to force someone into those beliefs, or start killing innocent people for them.

I came across this article some time yesterday, and mentally cheered. But I didn’t think anything of it until it was given a huge space on msn.com. That’s when it really hit me–these guys are serious. Woo hoo!

The guy they interview, R. Albert Mohler Jr., talks about it as if he’s losing ground in a war: “The Northwest was never as religious, never as congregationalized, as the Northeast, which was the foundation, the home base, of American religion. To lose New England struck me as momentous.” To lose New England? Give me a break. And what’s this about American religion? Just because Christians have taken over the world doesn’t mean anyone–especially this guy–has the right to declare Christianity as the sole religion in America.

I don’t want to knock anyone’s spiritual beliefs. What gets my goat is that the Christians do seem to think that we’re in the middle of a war, and they are apparently determined to win. How do you ignore a group of people who not only outnumber you but also insist that you’re going straight to hell if you don’t listen to them? How do you even begin to tell them that if you end up in their hell, it’d probably be like a vacation from listening to them?

I do try for tolerance. Really, I do. You want to tell me you worship Jesus and that he saved all of our souls, fine. Your point of view isn’t my concern, it’s yours. It’s only when you try to tell me I should worship Jesus too, that I get a little cranky. Hell, I voted for President Obama knowing he was a Christian–I helped put a Christian in power. But unlike many of his buddies, the President has never–not once–told me or the nation at large that if we vote for him, this nation will turn back into a traditional, Christian one.

But that’s not what the article is about. The writer mostly just starts off with Mr. Mohler’s despair over losing the apparent homebase of Christianity in America. He says: “The most basic contours of American culture have been radically altered. The so-called Judeo-Christian consensus of the last millennium has given way to a post-modern, post-Christian, post-Western cultural crisis which threatens the very heart of our culture.”

“Post-Christian.” I love that term. Thank God I finally live in a world where coining it is not only not banned but also encouraged. Not that the writer thinks we’re in a post-Christian nation–he says: “Let’s be clear: while the percentage of Christians may be shrinking, rumors of the death of Christianity are greatly exaggerated. Being less Christian does not necessarily mean that America is post-Christian.” Yes, well, rumors alone have been known to kill many things like reputations and empires.

Anyway, I think Mr. Mohler is missing part of the point. Of course American culture has been “radically altered.” It is one of the most basic ideas in culture to begin with–that it changes, perhaps even evolves as humans continue to live and deal with each other. As we change, so does culture. Culture is, by definition, being changed as beliefs and behaviors are handed down from one generation to the next. One would think that as each way of living is handed down, it is changed (at least a little) by each generation. You want an example? Try music–every single generation has been absolutely baffled by its children following a trend that seems to echo throughout time, yet the parents think it’s only noise. Even contemporary literature has so-called experts confused. Politics, art, even business–all have been “radically altered” from even 10 years ago. Even science has changed–people don’t get away with experiments like what Milgram and Harlow got away with. Milgram “shocked” the world with his findings about authority, and Harlow played with monkeys so much it led to the creation of PETA, and probably a hell of a boost in vegetarianism to boot.

The last millenium has its place only in history now, where it belongs. It is not a cultural crisis, and it doesn’t threaten anything at all except the power of the Christian empire. Mr. Mohler has only just realized that the culture he thought he knew is now slipping away into something new, something that has never been seen before–his children are taking over because his generation is no longer the one holding the reins of power.

No writer–hell, no person–is ever truly be without bias. No one can say for sure that they live without prejudice in their lives. But I hope that I at least try to be aware of mine *cough*Christians*cough*, and ignore those tendencies in myself. I even hope that one day I can become a living cliche and walk hand-in-hand with everyone (yes, the Christians too) in peace. That doesn’t mean that one of us will have to roll over and play dead for the other. It means tolerance, if not acceptance, of the differences in each other, even if we don’t agree.

Just because Mr. Meacham wants to debate whether or not we’re in a post-Christian era doesn’t mean that the Christian empire isn’t starting to shake on its way down. Every empire–political or religious–must fall, because what goes up must come down. It’s not just the law of gravity, it is the law of change.

Change is in the air, baby. Can you feel it?

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Posted by: librivore | April 6, 2009

Hopefully This’ll Work…

Every day, I receive a quote and some writing from the email service of the Blue Mountain Center of Meditation. It’s a quote designed to make you think, and the writing is designed to help in your practice of clearing your mind, heart, life, whatever.

My newest idea is that, if all else fails, I can always write my comments about these emails here–where I should be writing every day anyway.

So here’s the first attempt:

The first wealth is health.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

When you regard your life as a trust, you realize that the first resource you have to take care of is your own body. This can be startling. Even your body is not really your own. It belongs to life, and it is your responsibility to take care of it. You cannot afford to do anything that injures your body, because the body is the instrument you need for selfless action. That is the fine print of the trust agreement: when we smoke, when we overeat, when we don’t get enough exercise, we are violating the terms of the trust.

If you want to live life at its fullest, you will want to do everything possible to keep your body in vibrant health in order to give back to life a little of what it has given you.

Well, I’ve already fucked up this one, haven’t I?

That being said, I’m really enjoying my yoga classes. They give me clarity and a connection between body, mind and soul. The exercises stretch my body, making it stronger and better able to keep up with me. The breathing helps me clear my head–which needs to happen almost every hour of every day. The two activities done together focus my attention and allow me to feel like one being with a single purpose, as opposed to running around like my head has been cut off and trying to do things I really don’t care about doing.

I agree that I need to start keeping better care of myself, but sometimes the path is so difficult, all I want to do is crawl into bed and never come out. Sometimes my thoughts drive me deeper into myself, and I have to work that much harder to bring the connection back to the forefront of my attention. And the circumstances I’m in nowadays makes it even more difficult to even want to come back out. The harbor I’ve built in my mind–my sanctuary, the sacred place I feel I can go even when the world around me crumbles–is not what it should be, but it’s still sometimes better than being out in the “real” world. Where my husband no longer wants me, where I’m forced to change my life because of my own stupid mistakes.

Perhaps I just need to reorder my priorities. For the last two years or so, my top priority was my marriage–the second being graduation. Now my list has shifted, and graduation is closer than ever. What happens when that part of my life is over? Do I finally have more time for the parts of myself I’ve had to neglect–like my health? Can I finally focus on things that I’ve forced into the back of my mind, things that were labeled impractical and not really worth anything?

Normally I tend to loathe posting anything really personal, but I feel it’s time to stop feeling that way (at least about some things). Because I have to have some place where I can question what I’ve done, what I haven’t done, what I plan to do, why I plan to do it, and the reasons and thoughts behind it all. If it can’t be my own blog, where else can I go?

The first thought is, of course, about my marriage. How cliche to say, but it’s always my first thought when I wake up, and the last thing I agonize over when I allow myself to fall asleep. And it’s not separate from my other thoughts either. It’s too easy to think that Technivore forced me to become this way, but it had to be partly my fault for allowing it, right? I was so happy to have found the love of my life that I stopped thinking about myself, about my own personal growth. I found the seductiveness of “us” to be more alluring than the tired-of-thinking-about-it “me”. Which makes him right, of course–I had stopped growing during our marriage. I couldn’t even realize how bad it was until after he told me he wanted a divorce. Now that I’m forced to think of “me” again, I find myself wondering where I’d gone.

I buried the person I was before I loved him so far down that I don’t even recognize her anymore. Her independence and her desire for what I now consider selfish and childish things are alien to me. My independence now has undergone some sort of change that I don’t even know if it is true independence or not. When I take her out to look at her now, like a doll that I’d forgotten I played with in childhood, I find her pretty but not the person I want to be now. How can I throw away two or three years of my life, and go back to the person I was, when it can never be part of who I am now? That girl was still angry, still voracious for anything outside what she’d always known. The woman I am now is overweight, dependent on her idiotic husband, and scared to death of having to change. EXACTLY what that girl I used to be didn’t want to happen. I allowed my marriage to swallow me.

And now I’m left with the digested pieces of what was.

The pieces are so far gone that I’m not sure I want to reintegrate them back into what I am now. Could that girl have finished her degree, as I have? Could that girl have finished her book? But, on the same token, can I rediscover that girl’s fierce independence? Can I have that passion back?

I find that it was not just Technivore who smothered what I was. It was his lifestyle, his background, that seduced me. It is in the transition that the girl and the woman are one–where both were ridiculously pleased to have escaped the hellhole that was her life. This man had a respectable, full-time job with decent pay, a family who had no experience in abuse of any sort and who had raised their children as solid middle-class (perhaps higher), had never seen the lows of life but apparently didn’t judge those who had. Even now, it’s hard for me to face having to leave this new life, but I remember much too well how my old one was. Here, I don’t have to worry too much about paying the rent and various other bills, having enough food, whether or not my parents are going to hurt me again, and being angry about it all. It’s like being in the dark for so long you don’t recognize the light until you’re in it and you figure out how good it feels to let it caress your skin.

I’m in the goddamn light, and the light has betrayed me. I’ve become so dependent on it, it’s like an addiction I am loathe to break. I feel like I’d rather die than go back into the dark, but the man who brought me here refuses to let me stay.

It bothers me that I can’t seem to reconcile all the parts of myself and reforge my path. It bothers me to the point that I snap at myself, can’t forgive myself or him, and it’s making my life–my inner one, anyway–worse. And what’s worse, I KNOW that I’m supposed to have faith in myself, but faith has never been one of my strongest abilities. I was in the dark for far too long.

If anybody understands  this at all, if anybody has ever gone through this identity/marriage/middle-age-when-I’m-only-22 crisis, please, with all that I hold sacred, help me. I’m sick of going through everything alone.

Posted by: librivore | March 27, 2009

Book, Graduation, Travel, Ooh La La!

Even though my life can seem like a mess at times, today is becoming a very good day. And I can’t resist telling the world about it. 😀

I’ve been working on a novel for some time now. Today, I wrote the last two chapters. My novel–my first-and-hopefully-not-last novel–is done. It is written. The process isn’t finished; I have a lot of editing to do. But now I’ve proved to myself that I can do this, that I have the discipline to make it happen. My pride right now is….immeasurable.

I can’t stop smiling, sorry. 😀

Technivore and I are in the process of making a deal: I get to go on a trip to anywhere I want as long as he gets to buy whatever he wants. A part of me–the practical part, obviously–is saying to save the money and use it to support myself. Another is saying do half and half: take a trip, like, to San Francisco or somewhere not too expensive like France, and use the majority of whatever’s left to support myself. My heart, however, tells me to screw all that and just go, and keep going until I feel like coming back. Either way, I fully intend on making my present to myself completely special.

Because I am freaking graduating, baby!

May 15, 2009, 4pm, Toyota Center. Be there or feel my wrath.

I am so close, too close to let anything get in my way. Not a divorce, not irritating grandmothers, not even the little voice in my head telling me to go back for a second degree–a more practical one that will actually get me a job–will stand and even try to stop me.

It feels like so much is happening, and yet when I lay it all out, it doesn’t look like much at all. I guess it’s all in my head, then, this juggling of finding a job, graduating, finishing my book, etc.

Still, with all the crap going on, right now I just feel grateful that something is going my way.

Posted by: librivore | March 16, 2009

Yet More Changes

Though I plan to put up a new picture eventually (this one is one I took of the Lincoln City, Oregon coastline), I’m liking my new look. What do you think?

Captain Woot gave me a new idea for this blog, one that should keep my attention a lot longer than the previous incarnation. I will write about my life, with some additions thrown in. I haven’t decided exactly how I will accomplish this, but it should be fun. 😀

But because this is still a blog, and I can’t really get past the fact that it’s still personal to me, I fully intend on throwing in a few anecdotes about my thoughts. I seem to be going through a much more permanent change, in terms of self-improvement and soul-searching. I hope that this record of my journey will help others.

More changes to come. I’ve been thinking about doing away with code names, though I know that I will eventually write about the people in my life. Heck, I’ve been thinking about shutting this sucker down completely and just starting up a new one. But, this is hardly used, and besides, let’s show a little backbone, huh?

….

Or perhaps that’s what I should do, hmm? Maybe I could just write down my little journey here, in hopes that someone somewhere will be able to use it. Maybe put a little hope in the world? Still, “soul-searching”, by definition, is so personal, so ridiculously fundamental that I have trouble thinking I could pull it off. We’ll see, I suppose.

I don’t know. I’m so confused sometimes, then other times everything seems so clear. Besides, doesn’t a journal of this sort seem just a tiny bit emo to you? I may be part of that generation, but I don’t really want to be stereotyped like that, even if I’m the one stereotyping.

ARGH! See? I’m doing it already. Christ.

I suppose I don’t really have a choice. I think this blog might be one of my only remaining methods of retaining what sanity I have left. Perhaps becoming an online presence will help pull me out of this…funk? depression? God knows what?

I wish I could have my own little niche. Some people do food blogs, others do various kinds of technology–even blogs about literature, for crying out loud! Can I do that? No, even though that was not only one of my first intentions but also derived from my new online “name”, the Librivore.

Maybe I’m just letting this get to me for no reason. Maybe it will just come naturally, instead of trying to force it.

And maybe I’m having such a hard time with this because I know myself well enough to know that such things don’t come naturally to me. ARGH!

Until next time. Ta.

Posted by: librivore | March 3, 2009

More Changes

My apologies. It’s been over a month since I’ve posted anything.

In my defense, it’s been a long month. But that doesn’t really matter, I suppose.

I’m sure you’ve noticed the new look of the blog by now. I hope you didn’t get used to it, because I’m about to change it again. In fact, I’m changing a lot around here. It’s not working for me: the title, my purpose in writing here, everything.

But, the good news is, I’ve rediscovered an old passion of mine: photography. Want to check out my pics? Here’s my new pics page.

It’s still under construction, but it’ll be my home away from home…away from home. Since technically this is supposed to be my home away from home.

Anyway, I promise, PROMISE, I will update more. Keep checking back here for more changes!

Posted by: librivore | January 22, 2009

Happy Birthday, Bubbles

Today is my darling sister’s 19th birthday.

pc070013

With just about everything going wrong in my life right now, I’ve never been more grateful to have her in my life. She’s been there with me, let me cry all over her, let me sleep in her bed, even watch dumb movies with me when I’m feeling bored and/or really low.

That being said, let the teasing begin! 😀

p3150107

In honor of her birthday, I will choose only one funny story about my lovable sister (and hope to God she doesn’t read my blog, because I’ll probably get tackled at her floor hockey party tomorrow).

The Infamous “Talking Box” Story

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Everyone in the family has heard this story, but it never hurts to tell it again. Ah, good times.

Bubbles and I used to share a bedroom. What sisters haven’t, right? But we’re not exactly known for our tidy nature; in fact, had you been anywhere near our place in that era of our lives, you probably would have asked a health inspector to come and declare it ground zero. Not that it particularly bothered us, mind you–it was, after all, our stuff.

One day, I had a terrible headache, so I turned off the light and had crawled into bed to ignore the world. When Bubbles came in, she didn’t turn the light back on. As I heard her enter the room, I raised my head and in lieu of telling her about my poor head, I said “Ow.”

Comfortable in our own mess, she didn’t really pay attention to where she was stepping, so she crushed the Kleenex box sitting in between our beds. Looking down at the box, then looking up at me, then looking back down at the box, she asked it: “What?!”

She, in her infinite blonde wisdom, thought that the box was talking.

I’ll pause while you laugh your ass off.

Bubbles, before you roll your eyes or contemplate my sudden, bloody demise, please note the very pretty picture someone took of us at my wedding:

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Look how happy we are, how nice you’re being to me.

How nice I’ve been to you since then. 😀

Anyway, here’s a cake. It made me think of your freakishly weird quirky personality.

bubbles

Posted by: librivore | January 21, 2009

Kudos to President Obama

barack_obama

I’d almost forgotten about the inauguration until Captain Woot reminded me that it was today. I woke up this morning feeling both worried and proud. Worried because Bush might make an attempt to stay, or perhaps this is when some terrorists might attack. Proud because America has finally proven that we can change, at least a little.

I was unhappy when I found out that the inauguration would be at noon, EST, which is 9:00 am for me and I’m in class right then. I wanted to at least watch him get sworn into office. Luckily–this completely took me by surprise–the ceremony did not take long at all. They even got right to point by introducing the Chief Justice and then getting Obama’s butt up there to take his oath. (I found it really sweet that Michelle Obama was standing right next to him, and it was obvious that she loved him very much and was so proud of him.) I was able to watch him take the oath and even got to class on time. My school even had a TV set up near the student lounge just for this occasion.

Though his speech wasn’t anything he hadn’t said before, it still touched me. I especially liked his references to our ancestors and how they worked for us, and the references toward future generations. I know that many cynics will say that this is crap every President has said since the beginning, but for whatever reason, Obama gives me hope that we will start on a positive path. We can and should pave the way, together, for our children and grandchildren.

So, good-bye Senator Obama, hello Mr. President. I hope that you will keep your promises for a better nation, even if it’s under a God we don’t share. You’ve inspired me to become more involved in my country’s issues, feel more patriotic, and stop being so pessimistic about the fate of humanity. We disagree on many issues, but even though I don’t know you personally, I still trust you to listen to me when I say I don’t agree with you. I hope that you remember what you said in your speech: “What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them— that the stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long no longer apply.” You’re right, Mr. President, they no longer apply, because we are not the same America anymore. The same definitions no longer apply, the same rules no longer apply, the same expectations no longer apply. If you will lead us in the right direction–for the greater good of humanity–then I will promise to follow.

american-flag

God, Allah, Vishnu, Goddess, whatever: Please bless the United States of America, and help our new President lead us into a world of change.

Posted by: librivore | January 17, 2009

Must Have More DS9!

Have finished DS9, season 5. Am ordering next season regardless of the fact that I could use the money for something else, like a dresser for when I move out. Have reasoned to myself that since I put clothes on the floor anyway, might as well use that habit to my advantage and just wait until there’s more money to get me a dresser. Be happy now with more DS9.

This was probably the best season ever, although my favorite episode was the one where Jake Sisko loses his father in an accident, but it turns out that the accident just messed with the timeline again, which is in season 4. Jake grows to be an old man, and figures out how to save his father, which returns Ben back to the accident in time to save himself. My relationship with Jake is complicated. For one thing, it feels like I’ve watched him grow up since he was 13, so I feel somewhat protective of him and really hate the fact that he can’t be protected anymore.

Then there’s the fact that he’s now 18, and he is a damn good-looking guy:

jake1

Come on. Tell me he’s not fine. I’ll blast you as a liar. And you can see my predicament here, right? I feel somewhat maternal towards him, and yet I’m attracted to him. Talk about dilemmas.

Anyway, Worf FINALLY makes an appearance, and so far his performance has been stellar. Of course, that might also be subjective, since I think Worf is also very fine.

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You don’t even get a chance to tell me he isn’t great-looking.

That being said, it of course makes me rather jealous that he’s doing Jadzia. What’s worse is that the bitch is smokin’ hot.

dax1

Even her spots add to her hotness. *hates her with a passion*

I’m not ashamed to admit, I tried to figure out a way to photoshop my face onto this body. My limited technical skills and my frustration admitted defeat. Therefore, I will simply have to put her on the List of Women I’ll Sleep With.

Actually, I did that yesterday when PinkPanther and Bubbles dragged me and Captain Woot out to Costco for hot dogs. For whatever reason, we ended up in a conversation about what women would be on my list and Bubbles’ list. Scarlett Johansen tops mine right now; Julia Roberts for hers. I’m curious, however, if there is a limit on how many people can be on this list.

I must satisfy this thirst for more DS9. Must order more. MORE, I say, MORE!

Posted by: librivore | January 15, 2009

Another Book Up For Review

Just for a change of pace (and to get out of my own head for a little while), I thought I’d start to review one of the books I picked up for one of my classes this semester.

Strength in the Storm: Creating Calm in Difficult Times: Eknath Easwaran

Obviously this is a book that appeals to me, since I’m going through several difficult times at once right now. This book presents what my teacher calls “mindfulness meditation.” When I first started reading it I thought I’d accidentally picked up the wrong book because psychology teachers don’t normally present this kind of material, period, let alone as actually credible. But, here it is, telling me to pick up a mantram and use it, even when I’m feeling okay.

This will be an incomplete review since I’ve only read the first three chapters, but so far I’m still rather intrigued by the fact that this is actually being used a textbook. Not only that, but there is helpful advice in here, although the reader must set aside some of the hokey-sounding though rather confident in the quiet ways one can train the mind to live in the moment. Using the mantram seems to be the dominant tip here, but they also mention making a “To Be” list, recognizing the hold that our concept of time has over us–many things that Americans especially would consider sacrilege.

One thing that I do find particularly annoying, however, is that the book preaches focusing on the task at hand: “Attention doesn’t wander because a job is dull. It’s the other way around – a job seems dull when we allow our attention to wander” (55), but it has all of these little colored boxes and quotes that stand out from the rest of the text. If that’s not one hell of a contribution to my mind taking off wandering, I don’t know what is. As a reader, I would normally try to keep up with all of these things, but this book presents itself a contradition and it irritates the living hell out of me.

Setting that aside, though, I find that this mantram does help in the attempts I make to keep myself calm. The key, the book says, is to use it often, like when you’re standing in line or washing dishes or whatever. If the task does not require your mind, then say the mantram. It apparently digs deep into you so that when you are experiencing negative feelings, you automatically start to use your mantram, and it keeps your mind calm and clear. This is only my first report back on how it’s working, but even just using it as a tool keeps me kind of calm. I hope that when I’m done with the book, I’ll be able to utilize all of the tools and it’ll keep me calm when I need it the most.

So far I’ve been unimpressed with my classes. I was hoping for a pretty easy semester, but it’s starting to look not as easy as I’d hoped. For one thing, I do have to churn out some papers for one class, and a project for another. Granted, it won’t be as bad as having even just one English class, but I was hoping to focus more on my writing, for myself, not for my teachers. And right now, my biggest issue is feeling so burned out already in the first week that I can’t seem to make myself care much if I don’t go to class sometimes.

That being said, however, I find my own work fascinating and encouraging. I’ve somehow managed to pump out four chapters, and a prologue, for my book. I had hopes that I could finish it by the end of the month, but just thinking about homework slows me down and gives me a headache. At least I know I’m on the right track–the more I work on it, the faster I’ll get it done and out the door. Look out, publishing world, I’m hunting you. 😛

Posted by: librivore | January 12, 2009

The Hurricanes of Change

Technivore wants a divorce.

There. I said it. Screw privacy and announcements and what not. This is my life we’re talking about here.

I went away for about a week or so, maybe a little longer, to figure myself out. At this moment, all I can say for sure is that I’m having my ups and downs. One day, I feel fine and strong and able to handle this huge change; the next day I feel about as strong as a boiled noodle. Intellectually, I know I’ll get through this. It’s the rest of me that wants to scream, and refuses to listen to anything.

This emotional rollercoaster has been one hell of a ride, and it’s not done yet.  The details of all of this have yet to be fully dealt with, and somehow I’m still stuck living here, even when it feels like I have been purged from my own home.This seems to be a repeating pattern, disturbingly so.

School is the top priority now. My emotions will have to wait until I graduate–even though we all know that won’t happen. I will not allow this bullshit to affect me to the point where I compromise my degree.

The divorce won’t be final until several months from now. I’ve asked him to allow a separation for now, to let me get through the next few months, and he’s agreed. We hope to keep our friendship, though that’s up for juggling too. I am stuck here until I can find a decent apartment of my own and move out. My pride demands that I spit in his face about money and practical things, but I don’t have that option since I have no job. My pride will just have to suffer the extra blow.

There’s more that I could and should add about this, but I seem to have lost my desire to really chew my way through this in a post.

That being said, I want to tell you the more important news: I am about a quarter of the way done with the novel I’ve been writing. The week away gave me time to focus on the first few sections of it, and I’m very pleased with it so far. I think if I stick to this schedule, I can have it finished by the end of the month. If I can get it edited and more perfect, I will ship it off to a publisher’s house.

That idea alone is what scares me the most. What if I fail? What if I turn out to be the vessel of false hope across the board that is my life? Somehow, success with my writing seems tied with success in everything else, like money and living. The scariest part: what if I have to stop dreaming about being a published author because I’m just no good? Obviously I’m not good at a lot of things–like keeping my marriage together or eating on time. What if I have to put the one thing that is mine above all things, the one thing that still gives me some pleasure, the one thing that saved my sanity in the week I took to figure shit out, aside for the rest of my life? Talk about pressure.

I thank my family, especially Bubbles and Captain Woot and PinkPanther, for giving me unconditional support in my shambles of a life. I also thank those friends who were there and made me do things–in my pajamas–that I didn’t want to, and still ended up having fun. I doubt I would have been able to get through this as whole as I am without you. Kisses and hugs all around.

At some point, I’ll be giving this blog a whole new look, to coincide with my whole new life. Watch for the change, and let me know what you think.

Peace out. Or in. I never fully understood that phrase.

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